Mid-Morning Quickie

1) Some of you may remember the new/old BFF I’ve spent the past week reconnecting with from my Supermodeling days back in art school. It’s Paddy, the girl holding holding the fan while I posed for the creepo art instructor, [Name Withheld]. It’s been AWESOME catching up with other and we’ve FINALLY remade plans to do brunch this weekend. [We had to reschej prior plans this past weekend when everything took a left turn because]...

2) Things have been absolutely nuts around the offices here at Whorporate America Headquarters! The work I’ve been doing is AWESOME and I’m really loving it…It’s just been really deadline-y lately. I just sent Co-Worker Nicole an e-mail this morning, promising C-W N the second round of proofs for mañana.

*sigh*

The Head FAG In Charge at the Fragrance Company, Inc. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED all the ideas I submitted, and with some minor tweaks and copy changes, chose 4 of my ads/variations that they will use throughout the year to run at different times.


And lastly,

C), Sister Kisser®™©™’s publicist C3PR has been on vacation since Saturday, and I’ve been fielding a lot of his work for the band, too.

Have Fans and Readers ever tried maintaining a MySpace®™©™ page with 99721 ‘Friends’?!?!!!...It’s a monster.

Seriously.

[?]

I think I may have just sent out a 'bulletin' telling everyone to go fuck themselves.

[Don’t worry...I think only 43651 are ‘Top Friend’ material anyway].

Gotta go now... More mañana...

[gasp]

My mom just called.

Someone from my past, I haven't seen or spoken to since 1995, has just tracked me down by telephoning my parents residence.

It Stinks

Some of you may remember a new account we've been working on the past couple of weeks here in the offices of Whorporate America Headquarters! It's a new 'green' fragrance company that makes only certified natural and organic products.

I had been given too much some direction by an executive with the company regarding the type of look, imagery and focus of the work we'd be designing for them. As it was a new account, my Bawesome Tom also had some of his own ideas we 'decided' to work up. Although we generated quite a few comprehensives with different slogans and stock photography for the advertising and branding of this new company, Boss-Man Tom and I narrowed down the final submissions to just a handful, which best represented the route The Executive had asked us to pursue.

We didn't know that The Executive was, apparently, a dumbass.

He had taken our comps [which he 'LOVED'; and were based mostly on HIS ideas] and forwarded them to The HEAD Fragrance Account Guy [or FAG] in charge.

Two weeks ago today, I got cc'd on this e-mail from The Head FAG In Charge:

[The Executive]/Lioux

No I don’t like any of them… there is too much going on…not eye catching. I prefer something simple and easy on the eye…think [brand] or [brand].

I do NOT like slogans and the pictures are ALL terrible…!


Head FAG In Charge

President and CEO

Green Fragrance Company, Inc.

Address

Town, State Zip
(XXX) XXX-XXXX
(XXX) XXX-XXXX

[?]

Now, in all fairness, Boss-Man Tom had warned me that this CEO was VERY particular and that B-M T didn't care for his caustic, condescending and smarmy [Why? Why? Why? Does this sound so familiar?] personality and was hoping we'd only have to deal with The Executive, but I TOTALLY was not expecting an e-mail like this.

I mean, shouldn't these FAGs be on the same page BEFORE wasting our time here at WAH!?!

Seriously.

I was really excited about this WAH! account when we first got it and became a little disappointed when more and more ideas and opinions started coming into play as the project progressed. At the very least...I thought the work was good and solid. A little safe. A little generic. But good.

Why were we dealing with The Executive in the first place?! Why not deal directly with The Head FAG, if he's the one making all the decisions?!

If Fans and Readers remember, this was also around the time my workload was increasing, taking over another account in it's entirety that I worked on closely with Co-Worker Jamie.

[Great. Like, I don't have enough to do already].

I ended up speaking with The Head FAG, and after getting a better vibe on him and what HE wanted, I convinced B-M T to give me a few more hours during the week between other projects/deadlines to work up some new ideas and directions. By myself. No additional input from him OR The Executive.

'Too many cooks...'

I came up with 6 or 7 new ideas and variations throughout the week with very different approaches to the original work we had submitted. I was now inspired and motivated again. Boss-Man Tom was really impressed and really liked the work once I showed him the new directions/slogans.

I e-mailed the new concepts to The Head FAG In Charge, directly, on that Friday afternoon, and waited for his response. [Huge mistake! I was half anticipating a scathing response to them over the entire weekend...I kept checking my work account Inbox obessively].

Last Monday morning we finally heard back.

This was waiting in my Inbox:

Lioux

MUCH MUCH BETTER...will discuss with [The Executive] at the end of the week when I get back.

Head FAG In Charge

President and CEO

Green Fragrances, Inc.

Address

Town, State Zip
(XXX) XXX-XXXX
(XXX) XXX-XXXX

*Whew*

He They still hasn't haven't told me us specifically what he likes/dislikes they like/dislike and how to proceed further; but I'm just glad The Head FAG In Charge doesn't think they still stink.

Monday Morning. [Slurp].

Until Monday Morning...

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks here at the temporary offices at Whorporate America Headquarters!

My WAH! workload and responsibilities have increased quite a bit with the departure of Co-Worker Jamie and I'm just now beginning to adjust to a whole new work flow. It's all good though...I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the work I'm now doing; I've just been really inundated with all types of new work, projects and deadlines.

And now that I've been feeling more settled, we were just told today that they're almost done with the renovations to our new, permanent WAH! offices and we should be able to MOVE into them in the next few weeks.

*sigh*

Here we go again.

F@#K!

I've also been extremely busy with my band Sister Kisser®™©™. We're in the thick of writing and recording for our next CD. We've just finished recording our next hit single 'Colours Turn Grey' which will be available for download on Sister Kisser®™©™'s website in the next few weeks, after it's been mixed properly and all. Additionally, we're just now beginning to book and confirm gigs for the first live shows we'll be doing since September.

Tonight I'm heading up to the studio and we'll be tracking Audrey HepCat's vocals to yet another hit single I've been working on with her. The rest of the weekend I'm planning on looking up and returning phone calls to some old BFFs [or should I, at this point, just call them neglectarios] that I haven't spoken to or seen in a while. This should be interesting.

I gots-a-lot of catching up to do!...

A.S.S. Saturday (Parts C, IV and 5)

(Part One)

(Part Deux)

After finally breaking free of Tommy-Boy, I headed back to the restaurant where our table had already been seated. As I began to sit down and tell C3PR and Marconi about what had just transpired outside; I look past Audrey, and there, sitting at the table RIGHT next to us was [gasp]:



BRIGITTE NIELSEN®™©™!!!

Lioux: "OMG!!! That's Brigitte Nie...

Everyone else at the table: ['Been there. Done that.' attitudes] "Yea. We know."

Lioux: [A little insulted] "Well."

She was seated right there, next to us, in an out-of-the-way corner table for two with a BFF of some sort and was in the throes of being accosted by an Expo enthusiast, while they were trying to enjoy their meal. The accosting woman, IMHO, was being extremely rude and REALLY taking advantage of BN®™©™'s graciousness. But, on the other hand, BN®™©™ seemed to be enjoying the attention.

I didn't happen to notice alcohol of any kind [Sorry, Kartek...I really didn't!] at her table, and was actually taken back a little by how great and put together she looked. [I had heard, many months ago just about EVERYONE... if not, EVERYONE on VH1®™©™'s Celebrity Rehab®™©™ had relapsed. Most of them before the show had even finished airing].



Marconi began to joke about how he should go over to her table, accost BN®™©™ himself and see if he could get a picture with him groping The Amazon. C3PR, his wife and myself started betting on just how quickly she'd be able to take him down.

Lioux: "Yea, Dude. You might want to rethink that. I think BN®™©™'s probably got more testosterone than all of us at this table. Combined."

And then, upon 'catching a visual' of Marconi ACTUALLY being taken down by Brigitte Nielsen®™©™ in my head, I began to giggle. And then laugh. For those of you who don't know, I have a pretty contagious giggle and an even more infectious laugh. It wasn't long before I had us ALL going.

While our tables were pretty close in proximity, I'm quite certain BN®™©™ couldn't hear most, if any, of what our conversation was about [what with her accoster and all], but she did at some point look over at our table curiously, while we laughed, and flashed us a smile. I think she even began giggling a little bit, herself.

Marconi: "I'd love to get picture with Elvira®™©™ too, while we're here. I once saw her on Larry King®™©™ and ...blah blah blah...she's really very funny...blah blah blah...and looks nothing like her character...blah blah blah."

Lioux: [on the inside] "OMG!!! Just shut the F@#K up already."

Lioux: [on the outside] "Yea, Marconi. We'll see...Maybe, If we have enough time."

We finished up with lunch and were ready to head back into the unruly mobs, and I was tempted to go outside and have another cigarette, just to see if BN®™©™ [who left only moments before us] would be enjoying a post-meal smoke as well. And then I remembered Tommy-Boy. I just didn't want to chance getting roped into any more conversation with him. Besides, we only had about 15 minutes before the Zacherley®™©™ auction started, and Audrey was getting anxious to find the room and get some good seats.

Audrey and C3PR's wife went ahead to the aucton, and C3PR and I waited for Marconi to use the rest room before we headed over.

To get to the auction room, you had to pass through a complete joke. 'security' check point at the entrance to a separate wing of the hotel. This wing was for the A-list B-celebs who had their own private rooms, with long waiting nerd lines all along the corridor just to get in these rooms. The auction room was at the very end of this hall and to the left.

As the three of us approached the entrance, it was complete insanity. People going in and people coming out while the poor 'security' woman was doing her darndest to make sure EVERYONE coming and going was wearing their $20 paper bracelet with pretty purple stars.

Marconi seemed to JUST weasel his way by her, when we were stopped and told no one else could go in. [Seriously. I still don't understand how he pulled this off]. It seemed the 'Fire Marshall' was there, and they were told to wait and let the private rooms clear a bit before letting anyone else through.

C3PR and I would be the first ones let through, once they re-opened the 'in' glass door to the hallway in front of us. At least we THOUGHT we'd be first, until a few minutes later when some ASSTARD pushed his way in front of me and was stopped while trying to open the door the 'security' woman was standing behind.

ASSTARD: "Oh. I'm trying to get to the Zacherley®™©™ auction."

'Security' Woman: "The Fire Marshall is here. We can't let anyone in until the hallway clears out. It'll be a few more minutes."

Lioux: "Yea. All these people around you? The ones you just pushed your way through? We're actually a LINE."

ASSTARD:





Yes. That's right, Fans and Readers. He said NOTHING.

[?]

He just stood there. In front of me. Waiting. ASSTARD.

A few more minutes passed and I was starting to get that annoyed and claustrophobic feeling again. Staff members were still coming and going through the 'out' door while we waited patiently for the other door to be re-opened. What was once loosely a line was now people just milling about each other saying "Excuse me", "Coming through" or "I'm with the staff".

I started getting even more annoyed that Marconi was, literally, the last person they let through. AND that he just kept going, not even looking back. While obsessing thinking about this, I heard a voice from behind me say "Excuse me, we need to get by..." and as I turned I saw the woman staffer I was letting pass through and then right behind her, not even six inches away from me, was [gasp]:



Lioux: "OMG!!! It's you!...Hello..."

Elvira®™©™: "Hello, Sweetie!"

Lioux: [on the inside] "*sigh* I can't believe I just said that...IDIOT!"

And then Fans and Readers, she smiled and put her hand on my shoulder to steady herself as she brushed by me and C3PR, through the glass door and disappeared into the first room on the right.

Lioux: [on the inside] "Wait. Did I just get felt up by THE Mistress of the Dark? AWESOME!!!"

Lioux: [on the outside] "I CANNOT wait to tell Marconi about this."

After Elvira®™©™ was safely(?) back in her room, security re-opened the door and let us all through. We quickly found the auction room and rejoined the others, who thoughtfully saved us some seats. I told Marconi all about the Elvira®™©™ incident, but part of me thinks that he thinks C3PR and I just made the whole thing up.

[Whatevs, Marconi. You're just jeal].

After some successful bids on crap various memorabilia for Audrey's mom for her upcoming birthday, we had decided we had enough excitement for the afternoon and were ready to leave.

We ended the day with Audrey and I heading back to the weaponry booth to pick up her new mace and a weapons nerd to escort us off the premises. Now that I'm thinking about this, I can't believe the rest of our friends just let us go off and do this alone. Or that Audrey and I didn't end up buying anything else.

What were they thinking?!

Seriously.

Oh. And I've decided. VH1®™©™, if you're reading this, you should hang out at Expos more often and you'd TOTALLY find out Where They ALL Are Now.

A.S.S. Saturday (Part Deux)

(Part One)

[It actually turns out LF®™©™ recognized ME, as he's a Fan and Reader of B2BR and my old blog DYD. He ended up posing for the photo for free, and signing his autograph. Here he is doing his best impersonation of me. Isn't he just adorable?! I think we're dating now].

Shortly after being photographed together, I had to break up with Lou. You see Fans and Readers, here is a Fun Fact: I've actually dated someone with the same first name and it gets very confusing. Especially when you're calling out your own name in bed. "No, no. I was just really enjoying what I was doing..."

Anyhoo...The next room we hit was all vendors hocking toys and other movie memorabilia. This was one of the most difficult rooms to maneuver at any given time. It was completely overcrowded and overwhelming. I wouldn't normally classify myself as being claustrophobic...but I was damn well near hitting those levels of discomfort.

Audrey and I came upon a booth that was selling various types of medieval weaponry like swords and daggers and...

Audrey: "OMG!!! I've always wanted one of these!"



Lioux: "A mace?!?!!!"

Audrey: "Yes"

Marconi: [sounding a bit concerned] "Okay. I can see where this is heading..."

Audrey and I are not the types to be left alone with each other, unsupervised, for too long. In fact, I have the reputation in the band as being "The Riot Insighter". I'm like the added fuel to someones already burning fire. "OMG!!! You're right! Let's do stuff about it! ...CRAZY stuff!" I just need the 'idea' person to back up.

Marconi knows this.

Lioux: [to Audrey] "Well we ARE here..."

Audrey: "And it's not like there's a retail chain of stores named 'Mace My Day®™©™' on every street corner...

Lioux: "You're right. I would totally buy it."

And she did. We had to leave the mace at the booth until the end of the day because, legally, we had to be 'escorted' off the premises with it, for obvious reasons. Apparently you can't walk around Expos just wielding and/or brandishing any type of weapon you want [unless it's a light sabre®™©™].



Buying weaponry always makes me hungry, so we all decide to head over the hotel's restaurant and secure our place in line. It was obviously going to take a while before we would seated, so I decided to head outside and have a cigarette while the others waited.

It was outside, while lighting my cigarette, that I met Thomas Youngblood®™©™, the guitarist from the Czech Republic band, Kameltoe Kamelot®™©™ [with a K]. I knew they spelled it with a 'K' because he was wearing a 'Kamelot®™©™' T-Shirt. That, and he also told me.

[Okay, Fans and Readers. He's not REALLY a star. 'Yet'. But did you happen to notice his FIRST 'dislike' on his Kamelot®™©™ band member page? I did. "SMOKING!!"...As in. Wait. Hadn't I just met this dude outside while WE WERE BOTH SMOKING?!?!!! Hmmm.]

Have any of you ever been approached by someone whose mind was clearly being altered at the time?!...It only took me a few moments, but Tommy-Boy was totally under the influence of something. I'm pretty sure...

Apparently his Rock Stardar [kinda like Gaydar, but for rock stars] was going off when I came outside. We could totally tell one another was sooo Rock Star. He came up to me because he REALLY liked my haircut and asked me where I got it, how much I paid, blah, blah, blah...Nosferatu®™©™ is real.... and then we talked about music for a few minutes, and he totally invited me to Kamelot®™©™'s NYC show at BB King®™©™'s...in...wait for it...OCTOBER?!?!!!

[?]

Seriously. How high is this dude?!

After finally breaking free of Tommy-Boy, I headed back to the restaurant where our table had already been seated. As I began to sit down and tell C3PR and Marconi about what had just transpired outside; I look past Audrey, and there, sitting at the table RIGHT next to us was [gasp]:



BRIGITTE NIELSEN®™©™!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...AGAIN.